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"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker."  


- Helen Keller

I used to do a lot of knitting many years ago but for some reason I stopped. I think it happened around the time that the internet found it's way into our house. I started spending (or should I say wasting *g*) my time on the internet inside of pursuing more productive things. But recently I felt a need to start knitting again. I think I was motivated from some talk on the Multiple Myeloma Facebook group that I belong to. One of the members who recently passed away used to knit a little stuffed toy that she called a Myeloma Buddy as a fundraiser for Myeloma Research. So I started looking at patterns on the internet and came across a really cute stuffed bear that I decided to knit. I realized that it was not going to be a good fundraiser idea since the specialty yarn that the pattern required was just too expensive so I filed the pattern for future reference. Little did I know that the time to knit it would come sooner than I expected. A few weeks after I bought the pattern, a friend of mine lost her 21 year old daughter in a car accident. They were very close and my heart hurt so much for her. My friend is an avid knitter and so I decided to sharpen my knitting needles and knit this stuffed bear for her. The pattern is called, "Need-a-Hug Bear" and I thought that when she was really sad and missing her daughter, she could hug this bear. Plus I knew that my friend would really appreciate the love and time that I put into knitting it. Every stitch I knit I thought of her and prayed for her. And I'm sure if she looked close enough she would see that I'm not a perfect knitter but that my heart was in the right place while I was knitting it. I know that it won't bring her daughter back but I hope that it will give her some comfort on her dark days.

Knitting also gave me a gift. I realized that it was a perfect thing to do while Mr. B is having his treatments. It amazed me how quickly 4 hours could pass while I was knitting. Sometimes I would do (easy) crossword puzzles, or read a magazine or book. But knitting puts me into almost a zen state. My mind quietens, my body relaxes and I focus on what my goal is. I'm not sure how long I will continue to knit at the treatments but I have already promised a few bears to family members so I'm committed to a few more hours of knitting. And I will see where it takes me after that. Here's a picture of the finished project. Oh, and there aren't little black specks in the yarn. What you are seeing are little sequins in the yarn that reflect the light.
 
I've always considered myself to be a very patient person. Over my many years of being in the working world, I've often been complimented by other staff members that I am a very good teacher because I as so patient. I love to share the knowledge that I have with others. 

But when it comes to Mr. B getting better, I find that my patience is lacking. I want him to hurry up and get better. I want the doctor to try other drugs. Why is it taking so long? Why are we not seeing any positive results from his treatments? And then I remember. This is not in our hands. We have no control over how or when Mr. B will get better. And so we wait. We wait for the day when Mr. B will turn the corner and be on the road to recovery. We place our hope in our God and remember that He alone will guide us and give us patience.

About 4 years ago, my daughter gave me a hummingbird feeder. I had often talked about how I wanted to put a feeder outside in the hopes that some hummingbirds would start visiting it. Then we moved to a condo on the second floor and I thought I had to give up my dream of seeing my own hummingbirds. After all, hummingbirds don't fly to second floor balconies, do they? My friend in Vancouver told me to go ahead and hang the feeder. She lives on the eight floor of an apartment building and she gets lots of hummingbirds! Ok, she had me convinced so last summer I hung out my feeder and even purchased a second one. But I discovered at the bird store that you need to have the feeders out as early as possible because if you miss their migration north, then they will find another location. So I did see the odd hummingbird but nothing very regular. I was so disappointed.

But this summer, I had my feeders out by mid May. It took a few weeks, but then I saw my first bird. I was so excited! Now to try and get a picture! I sat for hours on my balcony, waiting for one of them to come to the feeder. And EVERY single time I lifted my camera to take a picture, they were gone like a bullet. So I tried taking a picture from inside. That didn't work very well either. Next I tried using a tripod for my camera and I sort of sat behind it with my finger ready on the shutter release button. I did get some pictures. Here is one of the better pictures.
But I still wasn't satisfied. What was missing? Then I realized what it was. I think the thing I like the most about hummingbirds is watching their movement. They are so amazing to watch! They zip back and forth so quickly that you would miss them if you blinked! So I got smart and took a video instead. I hope you enjoy it. :-)
This is the second video that I took. The hummingbird wouldn't come to feed while I was outside so I set the camera on a tripod and started the video while I went inside. It came almost right away when I left but kept a close eye on the camera. LOL
 
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I've never lived alone. I was married at 18 and went from living with my parents to living with Mr. B. That was almost 37 years ago.

Since Mr. B became so ill with MM, I've struggled whenever I thought about losing him. I don't know how to see myself as a single person. It scares me. And it's not that I'm afraid of being alone in my home. Mr. B's job required him to work nights every two weeks so I was used to sleeping alone. But that didn't bother me because I knew he would be finished with that in two weeks.

I'm afraid of having to redefine myself as a single person. Having to go to social events alone. Or going shopping alone. Or even going out to eat alone. I'm afraid that I will start to withdraw because it will just be less uncomfortable to just stay home instead of facing my fears and going out.

Today on Facebook one or my friends shared this video. It's called, "How To Be Alone". It really spoke to my heart and encouraged me to face my fears. Please take the time to watch it. You won't be sorry.