At the MM Support Group today we were forced to face the inevitable. One of the long time members shared that the doctors feel they have done as much as they can for her. They want to meet with her family members to let them know that her journey will be coming to an end soon. There were many tears shed even from me and Mr. B even though we had only met her for the first time today. Yet we could see the love and compassion from all the other members that have been encouraged by her during their journeys. The group leader asked her if she had discussed the end with her family and if they had made any plans. She said they had not.
When Mr. B was first diagnosed, someone that I'm close to made a suggestion that we get our "affairs" in order now and not leave it for when things were critical. I can see now why this is very important. The emotions takeover and make it very hard to think clearly if you wait too long. Yet, I can see that trying to plan for that time in the early stages of the diagnosis is also very hard because your emotions are also right at the surface.
When Mr. B was in the hospital with his pulmonary embolisms, the doctor asked him about signing a DNR (Do Not Resuscitate). We discussed this and I was shocked when Mr. B said he did not want to have CPR done at any time. He felt that If his heart stopped beating then it was his time to go. I know that it is a personal decision and I tried to understand his point of view but it was hard for me to hear this. I mean, many people have been brought back to life by CPR and continue to live for many more years. But for a person living with MM, maybe the process of going peacefully is more appealing than living the last few years in pain and suffering.
I read a very interesting article in the newspaper about a group of volunteers called Final Days, Final Hours. They will spend the last few hours with someone that is dying so that they will not need to be alone. One of the volunteers said that many of the patients do not want to talk about dying. Instead they talk about all of the good things in their lives. It was through this article that I realized how important it was to get your affairs in order before the final days come. You can read this article here.
I hope that I have not offended anyone by writing about this delicate subject. It's something that we all do not want to face especially if you have an incurable cancer like Multiple Myeloma. I pray that you will find peace as you face these decisions.