|a pebble on the beach||
I blew it. BIG TIME!! As a caregiver I've tried to not burden Mr. B with some of the frustrations that I go through in this journey. That's the main reason that I started this blog. I wanted a place to vent without it impacting Mr. B.
But today I messed up. I was venting to Mr. B that I was sure there was talk behind our backs about how much of an imposition it was for people to drive us to his appointments. This week has been especially hard because he ha needed to go every day to the treatment center for IV hydration. Like a bolt of lightening, Mr. B jumped out of his chair and as fast as his walker would take him, made a bee line to our bedroom. I immediately knew that he was upset when he said that he needed to be alone. I started to follow him and he slammed the bedroom door closed. By the time I got to the door I could hear him sobbing loudly. I felt TERRIBLE for causing him this kind of emotional pain. What kind of an idiot am I? I held him and told him that I was sorry at least a dozen times. I said that I would work on my fear of driving so that I could take us to the treatment center and then we wouldn't have to rely on others for that. How could I be so insensitive?
There is so much to learn on this journey of being a caregiver. So much of it is uncharted ground with no road map to guide me. I know that I will be travelling blindly at times and will make mistakes. I just hope that by sharing my mistakes I will help other caregivers to not make the same ones.