I know I've been missing in action since Daryl passed away. I'm afraid I've been in a bit of a fog. It's hard to concentrate or focus on many things right now. I find myself wandering from room to room in our condo, not sure what I want to do next. And mostly, I'm finding it hard to express myself with the written word. There is so much building up inside of me and I know I will want to share my feelings with all of you at some point but everything feels so raw right now.

Today was exactly 7 weeks since Daryl passed away. It feels so long ago. Sometimes I can't imagine how I will survive as I go forward. I already hate this "being alone" thing. I have never lived alone. I was married at 18 and moved right from my parent's home to our home together. If I thought our lives were quiet when Daryl was still here, it was nothing compared to the silence I'm now experiencing.

Please be patient with me. I've written some amazing blog pages in my head when I'm not anywhere close to a computer. I just hope I can remember some of it when I'm ready to share it here. :-)
Barb
5/25/2013 09:05:49 pm

Shelley - Please take care of yourself and know there are so many people that you've helped with your blog.

I remember that you mentioned in one of your postings that today is your birthday. I don't pretend to know how you're feeling, but I wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday anyway.

Bob is going to have his catheter placement this Wednesday. Wish us luck. He's really nervous about it.

Barb

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Shelley
5/26/2013 04:23:41 pm

Thank you for the birthday wishes, Barb. My daughter and her husband took me out for supper. It was nice to spend the time with them but it felt so strange to have Daryl missing. I find that everything I do now makes me sad because I am so aware that he is gone. I still cry every day at least a little. Some days it's a lot. I still find it hard to believe that he is gone. It consumes my every waking thought and many of my sleeping ones. I do dream about him. Most of the time he is still sick in my dreams but yesterday I feel asleep in the couch and had a dream that he was still well. I hope that eventually I will have more dreams like that. It still breaks my heart that he suffered so much with this horrible cancer.

I will be thinking of Bob on Wednesday. I pray that everything goes well and his nerves will be calmed. Hugs to you!

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5/28/2013 01:44:29 pm

Shelley, I did not realize. Been pretty absent from the blog world for a while. Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your Daryl. I truly cannot imagine life without EZ. I will be praying for you and wish there were words that would make you feel better, but it's horrible no matter how you look at it. I am glad you got to celebrate your birthday with family.

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mary
5/30/2013 11:13:41 am

Shelley, you teach even without knowing.
I am spending less time at the computer but am just an e-mail away.

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2/25/2015 10:37:33 pm

We are still waiting for your coming back. Be strong. We all support you.

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