|a pebble on the beach||
Until you've experienced a serious illness in your family, you don't realize how expensive medical supplies are. While Mr. B was still in the hospital we had a visit from the occupational therapist. She gave us a detailed list of the medical items that would be required before we could bring Mr. B home. These items were needed for safety and comfort reasons. And came to a total of over $1,000. With only one income in our family, it was an added burden that I didn't need to worry about right now. But thankfully we have credit cards that still have available credit room. I'm not sure what I would have done otherwise. There were so many items that had to be purchased that were not really medical in nature but were still needed. For example, I had to purchase two sets of sheets for the hospital bed, some extra pajamas for Mr. B, a pair of slippers, a handheld shower attachment and a truckload of over the counter pharmacy supplies.
Our home has been transformed. I had to totally rearrange the furniture in our bedroom to allow for a hospital bed to be moved in. I had to make sure that all areas in our home had enough clearance to allow for Mr. B to steer a walker around without hitting something. Right now I've crowded excess items into my office and the den and I've made these areas off limits to Mr. B. He's not very impressed with that but I don't want to take a chance that he will get hung up on something and take a bad fall. In the next few weeks I will need to make some hard decisions about getting rid of some of these things.
And through this all I realized something that totally scared me. Mr. B is now an invalid. I cried buckets when I said the word to myself. Now I need to constantly check that he has taken his medications, laxatives, stool softeners, etc. I have to help him shower and sometimes to get dressed. He is taking very strong pain killers and I'm sure that is what is causing his mind to be fuzzy. In the past two weeks his pain medications have tripled. Which is another reason that I won't leave him alone if I need to do an errand. The physical therapist at the hospital didn't even want him to walk without someone close by. She felt that he was just too shaky when he was standing to be trusted alone.
Our days are very quiet. Mr. B spends a lot of time sleeping. Whether that is because he is depressed or just tired or possibly a bit of both, I'm not really sure. Each day I see a little more of him slipping away. He didn't even watch the final game of the NBA basketball championship. He would never have missed it previously.
I try to spend as much time with him as possible. I wait until he goes for a nap or goes to bed for the night before I go on the computer. At least I can usually get him to talk a bit if I stay in the room with him. Otherwise our home is far too quiet. He usually only speaks if I talk to him first. The only time I actually see him become animated is when he receives a phone call. Unfortunately they don't come often enough. :-(
On Tuesday we have an appointment with Mr. B's oncologist. We will find out if the plan is to resume the chemo treatments. If they are not resumed than Mr. B will need to go on dialysis. And yet if they are resumed, I fear that Mr. B will not be strong enough to handle the risk of future infections.