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For the past year our family has been living on a greatly reduced income. I actually had quit my full time job almost a year ago to pursue my own bookkeeping business at home. Then a month later, we found out that Mr. B had multiple myeloma and we were on the roller coaster ride of our lives. A few months ago when Mr. B was going through a particularly bad time healthwise, I made the decision to do whatever I could to work at home. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders once I made that decision....until today.

About a month ago, we decided to make an early application to have our mortgage changed over to our new financial institution. Our current mortgage is held by a company that is closing down and will only honour our mortgage until it comes up for renewal which is in November 2013. So we thought it would be good to know if we would even qualify for our mortgage to be renewed now rather than in a year from now when Mr. B's health might be even worse.

Well, surprise, surprise....we did not qualify and now we will need to make some hard decisions in the next year. We basically only have two options, sell our condo and move into an apartment or I will need to find a full time job out of our home. It sends shivers up my spine to think about the pressures of working full time and trying to care for Mr. B at the same time. I've found the last year pretty hard emotionally and I know that trying to hold down a full time job would not be very good for me. I would be a basket case. :-(

I'm sure that many of you are working while caring for your spouses. I've admired those of you that can do it. I think I would rather sell our home and live in an apartment then go back to work. Yet I know how hard that would be for Mr. B so I have to weigh the options and decide what would be best for both of us.

It was a wake up call that I should have expected but still shocked me when I got the phone call today. I know that I have almost a year before the decision needs to be made but I don't want to be leaving it to the last minute. And as I'm learning, I will need to be the one that makes the decision. Mr. B gets very depressed when these types of decisions need to be made. He blames himself and nothing I say can change his mind. It's just easier if I do as much leg work myself first and then present the solution to him.

Mary
11/30/2012 09:56:53 pm

Shelley, this is gut wrenching, I'm so sorry you have more to deal with. Is there perhaps another lending institution you can try?
And the admiration is us for you, to be courageous enough to begin your own business and be there for him as long as you have... hopefully that will continue. I work outside the home, but only out of financial necessity. Though there are days that it does help with my sanity, mostly I worry. It seems none of this is easy, I will keep you in my prayers.

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Shelley
12/2/2012 03:32:31 pm

Yes, I will wait a few months and then try with the company that has purchased the company that we have our current mortgage with. We do have a year, so I'm trying not to panic. Mostly I was just so disappointed that this appliction did not work out because it would have consolidated our mortgage and credit card debt and used a longer term so that our monthly payments would be lower.

But I guess it was just not to be. :-(

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Dianna
12/1/2012 12:45:16 am

Hi Shelley,

My heart ached when I read this. I know it must be hard to have this burden added to those things you are already dealing with. I still can't believe how closely our situations are following each other. We are trying to refinance our mortage to lower our payments. We have sent all the paperwork and are waiting for approval. We are afraid that even if we are approved, when we walk into the closing, they will take one look at Bill and refuse to complete the process!
I would never want to tell you what to do, but if I were in your shoes I think I would move into the apartment. I think Mr B would have an adjustment either way, but at least you would be around to support him. I would be constantly worried at work not knowing what was going on at home. I would worry what would happen if I had to suddenly leave because my husband needed me or regressed or if I needed a lot of days off to tend to him. I would also feel guilty if the worst happeded and then I regretted not spending as much time as I could with him. My husband would feel guilty either way. He would blame himself for making me go back to work, when I wanted to be home, or guilty for have to give up our house for an apartment. Can't win either way.
My heart and prayers are with you no matter what you decide. Do what is best for you. It hurts to be in the same position and not be able to offer a small gift to help you out financially. I hope my support and prayers will suffice.

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Shelley
12/2/2012 03:38:06 pm

As much as I don't want to return to work, I know how hard it would be on Daryl if we had to move. We have moved twice in the past 6 years and each time it was extremely stressful for Daryl. He basically shut down emotionally and I ended up dealing with everything myself. So in the mean time I will do what I can to get as much work at home as I can.

I am calling us the poster children for why people should not be in major debt by the time they are our age. *sigh*

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12/1/2012 02:05:17 pm

dear shelley,

i am so very sorry that you have to make such a difficult and complicated decision. mary, above, makes a good point about checking with other lending institutions. and i wonder if you have made any connections with other bookeeping concerns that might value your experience, pay a higher fee for your services, allow you to continue to work at home; even if it required a few hours spent on site each week, it might provide not just enough income, but also give you brief respites from your at home caregiving.

i hope others will have ideas that can help you solve this dilemma so you don't have to feel so torn, shelley.

warm hugs,

karen, TC

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Shelley
12/2/2012 03:39:13 pm

Thanks, Karen. Hugs are gratefully accepted. :-)

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12/2/2012 05:20:12 am

Like the other commentors I was surprised at this turn of events for you, Shelley. I think you need to contact your local House of Commons or whatever the legal upper echelon name is to let them know you need help. This is an outrage - to be denied under these circumstances. If I lived in Canada and had some contacts, I would certainly provide some help, but this is the best idea I have right now.

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Shelley
12/2/2012 03:45:07 pm

Sandy, I think that the "rules" for approving mortgages are totally different here in Canada. The financial institutions here have pretty ridgid requirements for getting mortgages. The bottom line is if you don't earn enough, you don't get to borrow money. And I believe that credit unions are even worse when it comes to getting approved. They don't bend the rules. But I might have to pull a threat or two about moving our accounts to another bank. I mean, why should I leave my money with them if they aren't willing to help us out? We have never once missed a payment in the last year or even been late. I think our credit record speaks for itself.

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Donna Sutherland
12/2/2012 01:00:53 pm

Dear Shelly,

I so wish I could do something to help you in your current situation. None of this is fair, this is certain, but I do admire your strength and courage as you find your way through the maze of fear and uncertainty. Thinking of you both every day. Hugs. --Donna

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Shelley
12/2/2012 03:46:00 pm

Thanks, Donna. I wish I didn't have to deal with it either. :-(

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Dianna
12/2/2012 01:45:26 pm

Shelley,

I was trying to research what kind of mortgage assistance there is in Canada. You may have already done this, but just in case I am sending you a link that looked interesting

http://www.cmhc-schl.gc.ca/en/co/co_005.cfm

: )

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Shelley
12/2/2012 03:48:47 pm

Dianna, CMHC is a mortgage insurance that allows people to apply for a mortgage if they have less than a 25% down payment. It usually costs about a $1,000 and they protect the bank if the borrower defaults on the mortgage. Our mortgage is not a CMHC loan because we had more than that for a down payment. In our case, they wouldn't help us.

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Dianna
12/3/2012 10:16:10 am

Shelley,


All I can say is I will pray for something to work out for you.

{{Hugs}}




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